A final chapter: Hourglass memorial tells story of resilience

A unique memorial stands in Rhinelander’s Forest Home Cemetery marking the grave where a Chicago man lay unidentifi ed for more than four decades. The
monument, located at Grave “F”, Lot #1, Block #21, features an hourglass design and a QR code that tells a truly remarkable story of love and resilience.
Allen Grasser commissioned the memorial to honor his brother, Norman John Grasser, who was found deceased in Oneida County on March 19, 1980 and thank those who helped find the answers his family spent decades asking.
“This monument is my gift to Rhinelander for being so tenacious in trying to find his identity after all those years,” Grasser told the Star Journal.
The identification came through a convergence of circumstances that Grasser calls “a miracle.” Former Oneida County Medical Examiner Crystal Schaub played a crucial role by pursuing DNA testing for unidentified remains in the county. According to Grasser, approximately 12 to 13 John and Jane Does remain unidentified in Oneida and Vilas counties, and his brother’s case was the only one solved using advanced DNA methods.

The breakthrough came through investigative genetic genealogy (IGG), a relatively new field. Traci Onders, then a student at Ramapo College in New Jersey, was
taking one of the first classes in IGG when she identified the connection between Norman and Allen Grasser.
“She was the one that actually found the identity of my brother first,” Grasser explained. “If it wasn’t for those two people (Schaub and Onders), my brother
would still be unidentified.”
The identifi cation was only possible because Grasser had uploaded his DNA to Family Tree DNA’s database.
He had originally tested with Ancestry.com, but a distant cousin suggested he transfer his results to the smaller database—a decision that proved fateful.
“If I didn’t do that, there would have been nothing for Ramapo College of New Jersey to search,” Grasser said. “It’s unbelievable that these coincidences all came
together like that.”
For her part, Schaub said she found it very “humbling” to play a part in helping the Grasser family learn what happened to their loved one.
“To be able to give closure to that family, you can’t put words to that,” she said.
Grasser last saw his brother on Christmas Eve 1979.
He had hoped his sibling would serve as best man at his upcoming wedding but it wasn’t to be. It remains unclear what brought the younger Grasser to the
Rhinelander area in early 1980 but the older Grasser said his brother always had an affinity for the Northwoods.
Unfortunately, when a resident found his body in a field off State Highway 17, he had no identification on him.
Four decades would pass before the combined efforts of Schaub, the Oneida County sheriff ’s office and the group at Ramapo College would solve the mystery.
After his brother was identifi ed, Allen Grasser spent over a year designing the memorial. The unique hourglass-inspired design features slanted surfaces that create the illusion of an hourglass when viewed from the side. The bottom inscription reads: “Time waits for no man.”
“I wanted the profile or the illusion of an hourglass,” Grasser said. Working with Rhinelander Memorials and owner Kristy Spaeth, the design went through numerous revisions before reaching its fi nal form.
“It is truly a wonderful addition to our cemetery,” noted Jeremy Biolo, city parks director and sexton at the city-owned burial ground.
The monument includes a QR code that visitors can scan to read Norman’s full story. The website, http:// memorial.normangrasser.com, includes more than 500 images documenting the investigation and identification process. The reverse side of the memorial features Norman’s photograph and an image of the cross that previously marked his grave, adorned with two roses that Schaub had planted and tended.
In a deeply personal gesture, Grasser installed a time capsule at the grave
site. Inside a stainless steel box placed within a concrete vault are the clothes
Norman was wearing when he was found, along with other memorabilia.
“Because his clothes were in there, I felt like his essence was still there in
that grave,” Grasser said.
Also at the site is a small painted stone marked “BRO”— originally left by Allen Grasser on his first visit to the grave, before the identification was confirmed. The stone was removed during exhumation but has been returned to its place at the memorial.
In front of the main monument stands a smaller memorial stone featuring an image of Saint Anthony, which had been placed in the family cemetery plot in Des Plaines, Illinois, years before Norman’s identification.
Norman’s cremated remains now rest in the family plot, where he received a Navy veteran’s memorial stone, while his essence remains in Rhinelander through the time capsule.
The identification brought closure to a mystery that had haunted the family for decades. Norman was only 31 when he died, and he spent more than 43 years in the unmarked grave.
“He (was) in that grave longer than he lived in normal life,” his brother reflected.
Sadly, Grasser’s parents and all his other siblings passed away before Norman was identified. Allen Grasser is the only family member remaining— another twist of fate that made the DNA match possible.
“It’s like a big relief off my shoulders,” he said. “He’s back with our family.”
Detective Sergeant Brian Barbour of the Oneida County Sheriff ’s Department conducted the follow-up investigation, traveling to Grasser’s farm to collect DNA samples that were sent to the FBI lab in Quantico, Virginia.
After seven months, the results confirmed the brother match.
Grasser gave a presentation about the experience at Ramapo College’s annual IGG conference, speaking alongside Onders. The emotional speech left the audience of about 35 people—mostly women who work in the field of investigative genetic genealogy—in tears.
“After I gave my part of the presentation, there was complete silence in that room,” Grasser recalled. “Everybody was crying. There wasn’t a dry eye in the whole crowd.”
The memorial now stands as a testament to persistence, technological advancement,
and an unbreakable bond between two brothers.